What Messages are You Sending to Your Kids?

Some very powerful words from one of psychotherapy's pioneers.

Although it is unrealistic to think that we can be consciously aware of every message we send our children, it is important to regularly remember that they are watching our moves to assure acceptance and unconditional love.  The more we show it without prompting, the more they believe and live by it, which are the building blocks to confidence.  This is extremely important for kids experiencing the consequences of divorce. Ultimately, it's the parents and/or co-parents responsibility to keep this process of growth going for our kids despite the ending of a marital relationship.  (This also includes all auxiliary adults in a child's life.)  

Let's be careful with our kids' esteem by challenging ourselves and our roles as parents and co-parents. Let's show them it's OK to make mistakes and how to grow from them.  Let's show them that parents apologize too and will cooperate or negotiate where appropriate.  Let them see that we can hold boundaries that inspire cooperation, or at least demonstrate our authority as trusting leaders.  Let's show them how to take calculated risks and be able to handle the fails with grace.

Now of course we can't expect to do everything perfectly.  In fact, expect to fail or at least feel clumsy at times.  Use those experiences to show what confidence looks like despite feeling embarrassed, defeated, or awkward.  These are the messages we want to send to our kids.  Include them as much as possible, but if can't, even a wink from across the room can mean a great deal to a child.

Remember, we are growing gardeners, not a garden.    

Peace :-)